ClearTips: Powerful paragraphs

Fold two sentences into one

Whenever two short sentences have the same subject, see whether you can fold one into the other—to show your reader which is the less important idea, which the more. Such folding is one of the easiest and most effective ways of picking up the pace of your paragraphs and tightening your sentences.

Compare this:

Seven Japanese trust banks have "volunteered" to reduce the purchase of foreign securities by their pension funds. They have done this on orders from the ministry of finance.

with this:

Seven Japanese trust banks, on orders from the ministry of finance, have "volunteered" to reduce the purchase of foreign securities by their pension funds.

This:

These pension funds have been investing abroad more than 30% of their net intake of funds during the past seven months. They have been tempted by high interest rates and Wall Street's bull run.

with this:

Tempted by high interest rates and Wall Street's bull run, these pension funds have been investing abroad more than 30% of their net intake of funds during the past seven months.

And this:

Now they will cut overseas investment to 20%. They hope to reduce capital outflows and so to strengthen the yen.

with this:

Now they will cut overseas investment to 20%, hoping to reduce capital outflows and so to strengthen the yen.

For each of these three pairs of sentences, the writer subordinated the less important idea to the more important by combining both in one sentence.

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