ClearTips: Powerful paragraphs
Stick to one subject
If all the sentences in a paragraph are about one person,
one idea, one country, try using the same noun or pronoun as the subject
of each sentence.
Here is a paragraph with a new subject
for each sentence:
In 1956 Endicott Peabody stood for election as attorney
general of Massachusetts. Victory was not his. Next was a (failed)
run at the Democratic nomination for the governorship of the state.
Then the United States Senate candidacy-another loss. Hence the
move to New Hampshire, with unsuccessful attempts for both houses
of Congress. Endicott Peabody's record of honourable failure was
briefly interrupted in 1962 when, after a lengthy recount of the
votes, he was elected governor of Massachusetts. But two years later
defeat was again the victor.
Compare that with Endicott Peabody as the subject
for all sentences but one:
In 1956 Endicott Peabody stood for election as attorney
general of Massachusetts. He lost. In 1958 he stood again, and again
lost. In 1960 he sought the Democratic nomination for the governorship
of the state, and failed. In 1966 he was a candidate for the United
States Senate, and lost. In the 1980s he moved to New Hampshire
and tried for both houses of Congress, but, sadly, lost again. Endicott
Peabody's record of honourable failure was briefly interrupted in
1962 when, after a lengthy recount of the votes, he was elected
governor of Massachusetts. But two years later he was defeated.
The new subject of the next-to-the-last sentence works because
it signals Peabody's sole victory.
Two more examples:
Unbiased outsiders might blame languages, bad products
and state intervention. (Britain's music and publishing industries,
not hampered in these ways, compete head-to-head with America's.)
They might admit that Hollywood's libraries and worldwide distribution
system give it a head start. But they would also note that when
Europe produces films intended to please audiences as well as critics
("Four Weddings and a Funeral", for instance) it can do
surprisingly well. And they would note too (as many in Hollywood
do) that Tinseltown's bloated costs leave it surprisingly vulnerable
to commercial competition. None of these thoughts has occurred to
the lunatics running the EU's art asylum.
Gertrude Stein was not the stereotypical poor and
alienated intellectual who was an enemy of capitalism. She always
had a comfortable income, derived from her inheritance and supplemented
after she turned 60 by her publishing royalties. She also had great
investments-in Picassos, Matisses, and other paintings. Far from
being alienated, she was the internationally recognized grande dame
of a group of rising geniuses. And she was not an intellectual,
having little interest in general ideas about economics or politics.
"The real ideas," she said, "are not the relation
of human beings as groups but a human being to himself inside him
and that is an idea that is more interesting than humanity in groups."
Note how both paragraphs join equally weighted supporting
sentences with also and and.
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